happy "twenty fourth" birthday, nah.
i love you and miss you, a lot.

last night i ran out of my friends house and sobbed all the way to the station. on the train. in the convenient store. on the walk home. i felt like a complete fool. i actually have a fear of crying in public. so it was a big deal.

i got four hours sleep last night which may explain how i'm feeling
dropped mum off at the airport at six this morning to head back to plan her brothers funeral
tomorrow i am meant to go a friend's brothers funeral
and then celebrate hannah's "twenty fourth" birthday on friday.
next week is five years since her death.
the clouds aren't helping.

and in between all that is easter.
author and perfecter of peace.

i had my first good quiet time in a long time
here's to discipline and keeping it up

“whatever cultural shifts take place around us, whatever socio-political concerns claim our attention, whatever anxieties we may feel about the church as an institution, Jesus Christ crucified, risen, reigning, and now in the power of his atonement, calling, drawing, welcoming, pardoning, renewing, strengthening, preserving, and bringing joy, remains the heart of the Christian message, the focus of Christian worship, and the fountain of Christian life. other things may change; this does not.”

– j. i. packer

so i'm doing a lot better this week
it feels like the fog has past, which is really nice
assessments are still overwhelming
i still miss china and wish i could be at retreat this weekend (the first i've missed in three years)
but it's ok
i'm here now and i'm going to try contentment.

in other family news
it's dad's last work day ever
my grandma is really worried about her son who is about to die
and my brother is getting married in september

i can't wait to finish this semester

sorry that my thoughts are all over the place
it's how i think.

this is how my head feels today
a bit foggy and muddly